A complete insider's guide to Amish wedding customs, from "getting published" to the wedding supper
Amish weddings are typically simple, traditional, and community-centered affairs that reflect the Amish values of simplicity, humility, and adherence to tradition. I'm not sure there is any one authoritative guide to Amish weddings because they are all different, but I'll share with you my experiences from attending multiple ceremonies, keeping in mind that customs vary from place to place.
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📅 When Do Amish Weddings Happen? Understanding Wedding Season
Amish wedding season used to be strictly after the harvest, with October being the most popular month. But as the Amish have grown, lifestyles have changed, and tastes have evolved, weddings now occur pretty much throughout the calendar year. June has also become very popular for Amish brides, reflecting a move away from the agricultural calendar.
Traditional wedding days: Most Amish weddings are held on Thursdays, although this is slowly changing toward Fridays and Saturdays in some communities.
💍 The Engagement: "Getting Published"
The engagement period in the Amish community is typically very short, usually lasting only a few weeks or months. During this time, the couple will spend time making plans for their future together.
⛪ Getting Published
The engagement is usually announced at a church service – known as "getting published" - and the couple will begin preparing for their wedding. The wedding itself can take months of preparation, so the wedding date and engagement are closely guarded secrets until the announcement.
💒 What Happens During an Amish Wedding Ceremony
The wedding itself is typically held in the bride's home, a family member's house, or in some Amish settlements, a community center. The ceremony is usually conducted by the bishop or minister of the community, and is conducted in the German language.
Typical timeline:
- Service usually starts around 9 a.m.
- Ceremony doesn't wind down until around noon
- The bride and groom exchange their vows
- Community members present offer their support and blessings
After the ceremony, an amazing meal is served to the guests, typically consisting of traditional Amish dishes such as roast chicken, mashed potatoes, and homemade bread. Dancing and alcohol are not typically part of Amish weddings, but there may be singing and other forms of entertainment.
🍽️ Amish Wedding Food: The Wedding Supper Experience
One of the most distinctive features of an Amish wedding is the "wedding supper." This is a large, elaborate meal served on the evening of the wedding day. The bride's family is responsible for preparing and serving the meal, and it's typically attended by the entire community.
One of the best Amish meals I've ever had was at a wedding. The food just kept coming: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, pie, and on and on. Water was flowing from pitchers. The wedding meals are an amazing spread of entrees, rolls, salad, and plenty of pie.
Who serves: Unmarried boys, girls, and young women and men serve as "tablewaiters" and it's considered an honor to be asked. It's also considered an honor to be asked to be a cook at the wedding, even though it's a lot of work.
Here are some authentic Amish wedding recipes.
👥 Can Outsiders Attend Amish Weddings?
Most Amish weddings are attended by just Amish community members. However, close non-Amish friends do sometimes attend and are seated with everyone else for the meal. When non-Amish guests are present, they're often seated together as a group.
What to expect if invited:
- You'll be welcomed warmly but should dress modestly
- Photography is typically not allowed
- The service will be in German
- You'll experience authentic Amish hospitality
🎂 Amish Wedding Cake Traditions
Yes, the Amish do have wedding cakes! How elaborate the cake is depends on the particular community and couple. There's usually one main cake and often what are known as "side cakes" – these are smaller cakes. With so many people in attendance at an Amish wedding, you can never have too much cake!
Not all Amish wedding cakes are elaborate – some from very conservative communities are quite simple.
Would you like to make an Amish wedding cake? Here is a recipe for a typical Amish wedding cake!
🚃 The Wedding Wagon: Modern Innovation
This is a relatively new development in the evolution of Amish weddings. The wedding wagon is essentially a "mobile kitchen" which an Amish family can rent for a wedding. The wagons are equipped with huge pots and pans and enough utensils to feed an army.
The advent of the "wedding wagon" has made life much easier for the bride's family, which usually holds the wedding at their home. Gone are the days of having to round up every spoon, commandeering ovens, and procuring plates.
👗 Amish Wedding Dress Colors and Attire
For Amish brides: Colors vary – white isn't the standard like it is in other cultures. While white is sometimes worn, brides also choose pastels like green, blue, or even mustard yellow. Some Amish women make it a point to be buried in the dress they are married in.
For Amish grooms: They often wear a necktie – usually the only day in their life they will do so.
The Eck: This is the Pennsylvania Dutch term for a corner of the "wedding room" where the bride and groom sit. The Eck has the wedding cake and decorations celebrating the union of the couple.
🌿 Unique Amish Wedding Customs
🥬 Celery Tradition
Among the Amish, celery symbolizes fertility, so it's incorporated into wedding decor for good luck. On a practical level, beautiful green celery makes for inexpensive but pretty table decoration, so you see celery frequently on tables at Amish weddings!
💎 Wedding Rings
These questions are tough to answer because practices vary from community to community. If you look online, you'll see mixed answers, and that's probably the best response – some do, some don't. At Amish weddings I've attended, rings have been exchanged, but the rings are never worn afterward. In some cases, the rings are baked into the wedding cake as a prize to be found (just watch when biting into that wedding cake, you don't want that gold ring to turn into a gold filling!)
💰 Cost of Amish Weddings
While specific costs aren't typically discussed, Amish weddings tend to be much less expensive than typical American weddings because:
- No commercial venue rental (held at home)
- Community members provide food and service
- Simple decorations using natural materials
- No professional photography or entertainment
- Handmade wedding attire
📸 Photography Rules at Amish Weddings
Generally, photography is not permitted at Amish weddings, especially during the ceremony. Some communities may allow discrete photos of the meal or general gathering, but it's essential to ask permission first and respect any restrictions.
🏡 What Happens After an Amish Wedding
Unlike typical honeymoons, Amish couples often:
- Stay in the community and begin married life immediately
- May visit relatives in other Amish settlements
- Start setting up their new household
- Begin their roles as a married couple within the church community
❓ Frequently Asked Questions About Amish Weddings
Why are Amish weddings held on Thursdays?
Few Amish can actually give the reason behind Thursday weddings – the original answer is largely lost to history. Most Amish just cite "tradition." The best explanations I've heard date to the 19th century when people might have had to travel long distances by horse-drawn buggy. If the wedding was on Thursday, faraway guests could leave without missing church on Sunday and return home for Sunday services. Many Amish businesses are also closed on Thursdays so commerce doesn't interfere with weddings.
Do Amish couples get marriage licenses?
Yes, Amish couples do get marriage licenses, so the ceremony is official and legally recognized.
How long do Amish weddings last?
The ceremony typically runs from 9 a.m. to noon, followed by the wedding meal. The entire celebration can last most of the day, with the wedding supper in the evening.
Can Amish people divorce?
Yes, the Amish can divorce, but they will likely be expelled from the church and shunned. Divorce is not permitted within the Amish faith, making it extremely rare.
Do Amish have bachelor or bachelorette parties?
No, bachelor and bachelorette parties are not part of Amish tradition. The engagement period is focused on practical wedding preparations rather than celebrations.
What should you bring as a wedding gift?
Practical gifts for setting up a household are most appropriate – things like kitchenware, linens, or tools. Cash gifts are also welcomed and appreciated.
This guide reflects my personal experiences attending Amish weddings across different communities. Customs can vary significantly between settlements, so what you experience may differ from what's described here.
Mary Boulton
The traditional Amish wedding information was very interesting. I enjoyed reading about the tradition and all the work that’s put into it.
Thank you
Jackie
Wow, ty for that write-up! You have graciously answered many questions I've been wondering. I am from Pennsylvania, but live in Arizona. I drive here yearly. Going home, I see many Amish farms ands stores. Especially the Oklahoma into Kansas. Shocked to see them that far out was a pleasent surprise. I stop at several on my way thru these small towns. I still am confused as to weather the Amis community has different names for those that are less strict.